You tell me it’s real, no reason not to believe you ‘Til my neighbor gave her testament, I got a nauseous feel Closing in on the holidays Face off with a girl from across the way Claiming fat men don’t come down chimneys So explain toys under Christmas trees She said her parents do it, never told her it was magic May be true, maybe dude just saw your house and he passed it He won’t leave presents when no room’s on the floor She says they unwrap gifts on the night before Screw you, Gracie, I hold my ground But when I’m alone, I let loose of my doubts My mind’s crunching data Thinking back to every the Christmas past, the Letters I wrote, cookies and milk by the fire The items I circled on the Toys R Us fliers Somebody drank it, gave it, took it, wrapped it, vanished This is madness Bunnies giving candy, fairies trading quarters for Tooth but I couldn’t read books about sorcery Schools, and if God’s omnipresent Why’d he assign this guy to give presents? I just don’t get it, I want the truth now I don’t want opinions, traditions or word-of-mouth If someone should prove it, I’m the one for the job Made a plan and I called it Operation Santa Claus ---------------------------------------------------------- Dusk of the Eve, wearing brand new PJs Been poker face for 23 days Keep it double-blind cause Apologia taught me If nobody’s on to me, nobody can stop me, no Way you raid my house without making a sound No sugar plum dreams cause I’m staking it out My brothers sharing the room, not one clue what I’m up to If they knew, crumbs for my macaroon Now there’s not a creature stirring in the house But I’m certain that I’ll pounce at the occurrence of a sound Can’t let the threat of sleep get to me So I’m in my bed and I’m wrestling Pinching my thigh, tugging my hair This onesie’s heating up, I don’t care Peeling my eyes ‘til they water Better come soon cause I can’t hold out much longer I bite my wrist Trying not to check what time it is Then Floor boards creak; a rustling blanket The toilet flushes; I think I made it Mom and Dad go to start the coffee Rush the master bedroom to unwrap the stockings Face off #2, my arsenal’s full Charging my dad with no punches to pull He prepares to deliver and I launch the surprise Tell him sunset to sunrise, I never shut my eyes I heard nothing all night, all rise Judge Nathan presides I won’t stand myths, no more can I have this Unethical practice, You taught me the ninth Commandment, now my one demand is Explain how this happened, there’s evidence lacking I want the truth from you, that’s it! He tells me Santa’s one sneaky bandit I put my head in my hands I think it’s time for a nap